David ， my next-door neighbor， has two young kids aged five and
seven. One day he was teaching his seven-year-old son Kelly how to push
the lawn mower around the yard. As he was teaching him how to turn the
mower around at the end of the lawn ， his wife ， Jan， called to him
to ask a question. As David turned to answer the question ， Kelly pushed
the lawn mower right through the flower bed at the edge of the lawn —
— leaving a two-foot wide path leveled to the ground ！

    我的鄰居大衛(wèi)，有兩個小孩，一個5 歲，另一個7 歲。一天，大衛(wèi)正在教他
7 歲的兒子凱利如何使用割草機割草。當教到怎樣在草坪盡頭將割草機掉頭時，
他的妻子簡突然喊他，詢問一些事情。當大衛(wèi)轉過身回答簡的問題時，凱利卻把
割草機推到了草坪邊的花圃上——結果割草機所過之處，花尸遍地，原本美麗的
花圃留下了一條2 尺寬的小徑。

    When David turned back around and saw what had happened ， he began
to lose control. David had put a lot of time and effort into making those
flower beds the envy of the neighborhood. As he began to raise his voice
to his son， Jan walked quickly over to him ， put her hand on his shoulder
and said，"David， please remember…… we're raising children ， not flowers！

    " 大衛(wèi)轉過身，面對眼前的情景，怒不可遏。要知道，這個花圃花費了大衛(wèi)
多少時間和精力才侍弄成今天這個令鄰居們無比羨慕的樣子呀！他提高嗓門準備
訓斥凱利，這時簡快步地走到他身邊，用手輕輕地拍了拍他的肩膀，說：" 大衛(wèi)，
別忘了——我們是在養(yǎng)小孩，而不是在養(yǎng)花！"

    Jan reminded me how important it is as a parent to remember our priorities.
Kids and their self-esteem are more important than any physical object
they might break or destroy. The window pane shattered by a baseball，
a lamp knocked over by a careless child ， or a plate dropped in the kitchen
are already broken.The flowers are already dead. We must remember not
to add to the destruction by breaking a child's spirit and deadening his
sense of liveliness.簡的一番話提醒了我：作為父母我們應該清楚孩子和花究
竟孰重孰輕。孩子以及他們的自尊要比被打破或損壞的任何東西都要重要得多啊！

    那些曾經被孩子們的棒球砸壞的窗戶、不小心碰倒的臺燈以及在廚房里掉在
地上摔碎的碟子都是已經毀壞了的東西。正如花圃里被割掉的花再也不能復原了，
我們就不要再去打破一個小孩子稚嫩純凈的心靈，使他們原來充滿活力的感覺變
得遲鈍，乃至麻木。

    I was buying a sport coat a few weeks ago and Mark Michaels ， the
owner of the store， and I were discussing parenting. He told me that
while he and his wife and seven-year-old daughter were out for dinner ，
his daughter knocked over her water glass. After the water was cleaned
up without any recriminating remarks from her parents ， she looked up
and said， "You know， I really want to thank you guys for not being like
other parents. Most of my friends' parents would have yelled at them and
given them a lecture about paying more attention. Thanks for not doing
that！" 幾個星期以前，我去一家服裝店買了件運動衣，順便和店主馬克。麥克
斯討論了一些有關為人父母的問題。他跟我說了這樣一件事：有一次，他和他的
妻子以及他們 7歲大的女兒到餐館里吃晚餐時，他的女兒不小心把水杯打翻了。

    他和妻子并沒有責備女兒，而是把水漬擦得干干凈凈。女兒抬起頭看著他們
說：" 謝謝爸爸媽媽！你們知道，我很多朋友的父母在發(fā)生了這樣的事時通常都
會對孩子大嚷大叫，教訓他們要多加小心！而你們卻不像他們那樣，我真的很感
謝你們！"

    Once， when I was having dinner with some friends ， a similar incident
happened. Their five-year-old son knocked over a glass of milk at the
dinner table. When they immediately started in on him ， I intentionally
knocked my glass over ， too. When I started to explain how I still knock
things over even at the age of 48 ， the boy started to beam and the parents
seemingly got the message and backed off. How easy it is to forget that
we are all still learning.有一次，相似的事情在我的身上發(fā)生了。那天，我
和幾位朋友共進晚餐。他們5 歲的兒子不小心弄翻了桌子上的牛奶杯。朋友夫婦
開始齊聲責備起他來。這時，我也故意把我的杯子碰翻了。于是我向朋友夫婦解
釋：我雖然48歲了，也有打翻東西的時候。朋友夫婦似乎明白了我的意思，不再
生氣地指責孩子，男孩子也愉快地微笑起來。瞧！我們是多么容易忘記我們仍需
要不斷學習呀！

    I recently heard a story about a famous research scientist who had
made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed
by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be
so much more creative than the average person.最近，我聽到了一個關于一
位著名科學家的故事。這位科學家在醫(yī)學領域曾有過十分重要的發(fā)現(xiàn)和突破。有
個報社記者曾經采訪過他，問他為什么他會比一般的人更有創(chuàng)造力，究竟是什么
妙法使他能夠超乎凡人呢？

    He responded that ， in his opinion ， it all came from an experience
with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had
been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost
his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell ， spilling its contents all
over the kitchen floor—— a veritable sea of milk！

    他說，在他看來，這一切都應與他兩歲時母親對發(fā)生在他身上的事的處理方
法有關。有一次，他想自己嘗試著從冰箱里拿一瓶牛奶�？墒瞧孔犹�滑了，他沒
有抓住，牛奶瓶子掉在了地上，牛奶濺得滿地都是——看上去簡直是一片牛奶的
海洋。

    When his mother came into the kitchen ，instead of yelling at him ，
giving him a lecture or punishing him ， she said ， " Robert ， what
a great and wonderful mess you have made！ I have rarely seen such a huge
puddle of milk. Well， the damage has already been done. Would you like
to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it
up？" 他的母親聞聲連忙跑到廚房里來，可并沒有對他大叫大嚷，也沒有狠狠地
教訓或懲罰他，只是說：" 哇！羅伯特！你制造的麻煩可真是棒極了！我還從來
沒有見過這么大的一汪牛奶呢！哎，反正奶瓶已經摔碎了，那么在我們把它打掃
干凈以前，你想不想在牛奶中玩幾分鐘呢？"

    Indeed， he did. After a few minutes， his mother said， " You know
，Robert ， whenever you make a mess like this ， eventually you have to
clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So， how would
you like to do that ？ We could use a sponge， a towel or a mop. Which
do you prefer ？" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the
spilled milk. 聽母親這么一說，他真是高興極了，立即在牛奶中玩將起來。幾
分鐘后，母親對他說道：" 羅伯特，你知道，今后，無論什么時候，當你制造了
像今天這樣又臟又亂的場面時，你都必須要把它打掃干凈，并且要把每件東西按
原樣放好。那么你打算怎么收拾呢？我們可以用海綿、毛巾或者是拖把來打掃。

    你想用哪一種呢？" 他選擇了海綿。很快，他們就一起將那滿地的牛奶打掃
干凈了。

    His mother then said， " You know ， what we have here is a failed
experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny
hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and
see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little
boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with
both hands， he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson！

    然后，他的母親又對他說：" 羅伯特，剛才，你所做的用你的兩只小手拿起
大牛奶瓶子的試驗已經失敗了�，F(xiàn)在我們到后院去，把瓶子裝滿水，看看你有沒
有辦法把它拿起來，而不讓它掉下去。" 小羅伯特很快就發(fā)現(xiàn)只要用雙手抓住瓶
子頂部、靠近瓶嘴的地方，瓶子就不會從他的手中滑掉。這堂課真是棒極了！

    This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that
he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead ， he learned
that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new， which
is， after all， what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the
experiment " doesn't work ，" we usually learn something valuable from
it. 然后，這位著名的科學家說：" 從那時起，我知道我不必再害怕犯任何錯誤，
因為錯誤往往是學習新知識的良機�？茖W實驗也是這樣，即使實驗失敗了，我們
還是可以從中學到很多有價值的東西？" ；

    Wouldn't it be great if all parents would respond the way Robert's
mother responded to him ？

    如果天下所有的父母都能像羅伯特的母親對待羅伯特那樣來教育子女的話，
那豈不是太好了嗎？

    One last story that illustrates the application of this attitude in
an adult context was told on the radio several years back. A young woman
was driving home from work when she snagged her fender on the bumper of
another car. She was in tears as she explained that it was a new car，
only a few days from the showroom. How was she ever going to explain the
damaged car to her husband？

    最后，還有一個幾年前曾經在收音機里說過的故事，它對于運用同樣的態(tài)度
處理我們成人之間的關系有著異曲同工之妙。故事說的是：一天，有個年輕的女
子，在下班開車回家的路上不小心與另外一輛車發(fā)生了碰撞，結果，她的車擋泥
板被撞壞了。她淚流滿面地說，這是一輛新車，剛剛買回來沒幾天，回家她該如
何向丈夫交代呢？

    The driver of the other car was sympathetic ， but explained that
they must note each other's license numbers and registration numbers.
As the young woman reached into a large brown envelope to retrieve the
documents ， a piece of paper fell out. In a heavy masculine scrawl were
these words ：" In case of accident …… remember ， honey， it's you
I love， not the car！" 與之相撞的那輛車的司機滿懷同情但表示，他們應該
記下彼此的駕駛執(zhí)照和車牌號碼。當這位年輕女子從棕色的大文件袋中取出有關
文件時，一張紙條掉了出來。只見上面用男人的筆跡寫著：" 如果發(fā)生事故……

    請記住，親愛的，我愛的是你，不是車！"

    Let's remember that our children's spirits are more important than
any material things. When we do ， self-esteem and love blossom will grow
more beautifully than any bed of flowers ever could.讓我們牢記：孩子的
心靈比世上任何物質的東西都要重要！只要我們永遠牢記這一點，那么，自尊和
愛的花朵就會比花圃中的任何花兒都開得燦爛、美麗！